Imagine this if you will…
An ugly, hot, humid environment – like sitting in a bathtub of warm coca-cola… in the desert… with flies.
A day so hot that you had to keep blinking because your eye-juices evaporated as quickly as it was replaced. The sealant in your tyres had turned to a powder that farted out your spoke holes as the wheels spun. Riders tip-toeing on their cleats like elderly ballerinas because the plastic soles where melting. A lonely crow in the shimmering distance sounded like it was saying a long, mournful “F@#$KKKKKKKKKKKK OFFFFFFFF”.
This is what it might of been like if we had ridden at 2pm when it was 38ºC but we rode at 7am so it wasn’t that bad really – maybe a little humid.
Susie hammering over that last pinch with her trademark guttural roar of power!
The ride started on Aitkenson Road and 20 riders showed up to once again conquer the rocky, rooty, sweaty, gnarly challenge that is the infamous Parklands.
The funky blue van from Giant Sunshine Coast was there with Justin and Kent in their beautifully co-ordinated uniforms (for the record they said it was an accident). They were rocking some nice looking bikes and our own Kerrie got to demo one of the new ladies bikes and it looked pretty swish! I would go so far as to say that if I were a lady I would A) get this bike in a heartbeat and B) Win the Miss Universe crown because I’d be so beautiful – just saying!
A big welcome to our new riders and some previous members who rocked up for this ride too, I hope you had fun!
So we all took off and made our way to the clearing on top of Phoenix. There we divided into groups – a “less intense” group (like a 40% cocoa dark chocolate – kind of good for you but still tasty) and the “intense” group (90% cocoa dark chocolate – apparently full of healthy stuff but tastes like crap).
Notable events were:
- A heap of PRs and top tens in Strava – nice work ladies and gentlemen!
- I got a sidewall tear on Lower NZ AGAIN! and had to cut my ride short
- Ben and I got to test the club’s new walkie talkies but he refused to use my radio callsign “Sassy cat”
- Rumour has it that someone had a small stack so as I wasn’t there I’m going to assume they were trying to do a sick double back-flip stunt off Road Rage onto the back of the truck cruising along the highway.
But all-in-all it ended up being a good (albeit sweaty) ride and afterwards we had coffee at Bli Bli bakery and reminisced about the awesomeness that is Parklands, the Sunshine Coast, Mountain biking and of course, us.
Don’t try to fight that warm, fuzzy feeling you are having! Go with it!
“But wait!! How could Michael have been having coffee when his ride was cut short and he had to go home early!” I hear you ask. Well that is because I went home, ghostied my broken bike into the garage, jumped onto my other bike and raced from Nambour to Bli Bli in time for coffee. It was actually pretty easy because my other bike is now an E-BIKE!
Yeah! You heard me! – an electric bike! an evil bike! the dark side! A two-wheeled shun-absorber! A judging-magnet! A lithium pre-explosion! An attic child of closely-related mobility scooter parents. But it is awesome!!!
OK, now it’s the end.
Michael (Sassy Cat) Johns
The less intense dark chocolate group ride
The intense dark chocolate group ride