DARK GNAR! A Parklands Night Ride Summary – 15/02/2017

by Secretary
DARK GNAR! A Parklands Night Ride Summary – 15/02/2017

It was a warm afternoon, not as hot as it had been in recent days but still warm. I had had a hard day at work and the lonely drive home was long and even being the first person in the car to spot the big pineapple didn’t cheer me up. But as I drove behind a Camry doing 70kph in the 90 zone I tried to convince myself to go on that evening’s night ride.

I started with the ‘arguments against’ because I’m pretty negative that way.

  1. I had 20 minutes to get home, eat food, check bike, check my lights, put bike in car and get changed.
  2. Chad could take me down some random scary track – again.
  3. I might break a perfectly good helmet on a tree – again.
  4. Everyone is always so nice and friendly and good to chat with (makes it very hard to maintain my aloof and cynical hipster image).
  5. Snakes, Toads, Kangaroos, Mozzies and Drop Bears etc.

So by now I had pretty much decided that going home and eating Weetbix was the winner. But then a little voice in my head (I think it lives in my beard) said “Don’t stop now ya piker!. Think of the positives”. Now I respect that little voice as it seems nice and I like the cut of it’s jib. So I removed the image of a delicious bowl of cereal from my mind and started the pro’s list. I came up with only two things.

  1. Mexican food

“What the hell is that?!” I hear you ask. Well Mexican food is simply food from Mexico but in Mexico apparently they just call it “food” – funny fact.

Oh wait, maybe you meant the “DARK GNAR”, well that’s a cool word (trademark pending) that I’ve just made up which defines the intense physical sensations and the mental somersaults that riding rough trails at night gives you. So things like the feeling of the wind on sweaty skin and invisible things touching you as you whip past. The new smells, sounds and scurried movements of a forest at night time.  The intense concentration and tightened reflexes as you watch the trails and obstacles suddenly appear in your headlamp’s light and then the elation as you somehow picked a good line through that pile of rocks, roots and cute marsupials behind you.  That is DARK GNAR and that’s why I love night rides.

Photo evidence of us doing totally sick synchronised front flips off Lower NZ.

So all-in-all the ride was fun.

  • Andrew and Chad got a couple of Strava KOMs and there were plenty of PRs to go round.
  • Someone managed to squeeze in an “intense” pun for Will’s amusement (he rides an Intense brand bike).
  • Greg and Will had a minor although still impressive crash but no-one was hurt so it’s OK to laugh about it.
  • I had Mexican takeaway for dinner.
  • “DARK GNAR” T-shirts coming soon



Michael “Chicken Nachos are awesome!” Johns
Club Secretary 


Official map and elevation – Chad, Andrew and Will did a whole lot more coz they are hardcore!